They say it takes a village to raise a child. So as adults who is raising us? Luckily, we can choose the village we need. Even when it is often more virtual than physical or geographical these days.
Since 2020, many of us have felt a shift in the way we experience the community village. Our wide networks of friends and family have been traded for tighter-knit circles, and many casual meetups with acquaintances just no longer make the calendar.
Many of us lost motivation to attend big group gatherings, or feel at ease in crowded spaces. The idea of socialising with new people, strangers some may say, became daunting or just too far beyond our comfort zone, that we settled into familiar rhythms, seeing familiar faces and familiar places.
And is there anything wrong with a tight-knit village, raising us through adulthood?
Not necessarily, but it certainly doesn’t give us the aha-moments or thrilling expansion of our worldview, when we sit amongst like-minded friends who may not challenge our beliefs. Mingling with a wider network of folk, whether in our workplace, in our neighbourhood, or even on travels, is the kind of exercise that stretches our minds. Minds which can be snoozing at times, settling down on comfortable notions of how people may appear, or even be, different from ourselves. In fact, it’s often our minds getting in the way of strengthening social connections with the people we already know and love.
So to the task at hand, finding this chosen village, hm?
When a crowded cafe doesn’t always equal a community, and many social events can feel cold without a round of introductions, it still feels daunting to start making friends as adults. And yet from all that I’ve discovered about living a fulfilled life - the secret lies not only in moving, eating and resting well, but belonging to a community. The Blue Zones are hotspots containing the healthiest, longest-living people around the world - all of them with a deep sense of social connection. And it’s important that we feel that for ourselves. Making the first moves might not be easy, but we certainly get more comfortable as we go along.
Joining a local gathering, extending an open hand, or just leading with a shy smile, is how we begin feeling part of a community - or even many. And like someone once told me, if we all had a friend from every country in the world, there would be no wars. It might sound naïve, but it is a noble endeavour for all of us. The community that offers enough diverse perspectives to enrich our minds, is the secret to a long and wealthy life.
The kind where we indulge in friendships, and enjoying the now.